STARDATE 1034600

Houmon Resources Cares about all Crewmembers of the B.M.S.S. Antioch.

Any and all questions and concerns can be filed in tripilicate with HR at

extension 4586758§∞bl68




Profiles In Excellence

Sleep is for the weak

As we prepare for the Eleventhtennial ceremony next month, HR would like to offer a look back at this most cherished of Antioch Traditions.  

The Eleventhtennial Release Ceremony all began 144 years ago with an simple accident.  After much testing and several training sessions, a group of 15 younglings, among the first generation born aboard the Antioch, was found to have no aptitude for any position available with the company.  

Until a decision could be reached on their assignments, they were tasked to clean and organize cargo bay 13. While wiping down a control console, young  Jenber Maru accidentally dropped the bay's atmosperheric pressure shield, flinging the the First 15 out into the vast nothingness of space and the annals of Antioch History.

Captain Maxi Archer, the Antioch's first captain, realized the precious gift these young ones had been given and at the same time provided.  

They'd been given the glorious gift of eternal relaxation, and in return they would not become a future drain on the Antioch's very limited resources.

With the blessing of the Bannerflex home office, the Antioch instituted a system to keep all members of the crew productive as possible as early as possible,  and a time honored tradition was born.

Did you know Marlafain Slug Slime can be used as as a handy substitute for Machine Grease?

Marlafains are by nature jovial and accomodating. All you have to do is ask and they will bend over backwards to provide the needed lubrication!  Bending over backwards will squeeze maximum fluids from your slug compatriate. Be sure to wear a smock!

The BMSS ANTIOCH will be holding its annual Jobs fair at the end of the week!

It is mandatory that all children between the ages of 8 and 10 attend the annual fair.  

It is Essential all children be assigned their future employment with Bannerflex before their eleventh birthday.  Any child found lacking an aptitude for a Bannerlex position or do not make the Eleventhtenial deadline, will be released from the ceremonial airlock located adjacent to the second deck training theater, at the annual release ceremony next month.  

Head of Houmon Resources Knockbleep Smith would like to offer a Bannerflex special thanks to Chief Medical Officer Dr. Pazuzu Overlord of Darkness and Eater of Worlds.

Dr. Carol Reaser now known as Dr. Pazuzu Overlord of Darkness and Eater of Worlds has shown a true dedication to the crew of the Antioch and their medical care, in the face of her unfortunate accident, and resulting demon posession, working tirelessly around the clock, to combat this most recent medical emergency.  




The Weekly Worker


Healthy and Delicious!

Medical Emergency!

Eleventhtennial release: A look back

Chef is happy to announce the introduction of high quality U.D.A.C.P.P.O.P.E.C.A.N.F. Incorporated brand FoodLoaf now available in the mess hall.  Food loaf is a delightfully nutritional meal cube that comes in three delectable flavors: Bloatbeast, Organic Bloatbeast and all new sugar-free Bloatbeast.

Please remember, FoodLoaf's protein Peptide chains have not achieved the same level of hopeful consciousness as traditional Bloatbeast. FoodLoaf knows only hatred, so at times it can be quite sharp. Take caution when injesting.


Due to the recent illumination outbreak that is most likely acute radiation poisoning, and not  Niaxial Herpes, as is the rumor.  

Although there is no need to panic as radiation poisioning is easliy treatable and much less dangerous than Niaxial Herpes, but their symptoms can be identical.

Medical is asking that you remain calm and make an appointment with Nurse Carol if you are experienceing any of the following symptoms:

Glowing Pustules

Illuminated genitalia

Flaky Tongue

Brain heat

Due to the overwhelming number of Crew members presenting with this symptoms,

Medical no longer has the resources available to repair Bionic body parts.  

Please report to engineering for any work you need done, until further notice.


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